Extracts
by espiyo
Summary: As an exercise in self-discipline, and because I've so enjoyed PhilippaRM's Cyprus diaries, I've decided to have a go at drabbles. All will be exactly 100 words long, plus the date of the entry. Ooer! Usual disclaimers apply. Hope you enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

**18 July 2007**

Today, via various intermediaries, I received a postcard from Ruth: sent from Paris last month, so she will be long gone.

She said we did the right thing. And yet almost a year on her face is still the last thing I see in my mind's eye before I fall asleep. That she is hundreds, thousands of miles away and I will never see her again is my first thought on waking. I feel a part of me is missing. I feel a physical ache that I'm sure Sally Chapman would find no cause for. How can this be right?


	2. Extract 2

Strewth, this is difficult! Sorry, these will probably appear in no particular order as ideas occur to me.

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**18 July 2010**

One of the worst days of my life. Lucas is dead, having leapt off the Enver Tower. Earlier, he had kidnapped Ruth in exchange for Albany, a blueprint for a genetic weapon which the Chinese will now know is useless. She said it was unfair of me to love her. She wishes I had let her die; it was 'her turn.' As I went to meet Lucas, to prevent the detonation of a rush hour bomb, I told her it was mine. Before he jumped, Lucas had held a gun to my head. I wish he had pulled the trigger.


	3. Extract 3

02 November 2006

Yesterday was my first birthday without Ruth. I hoped she might somehow find a way to acknowledge it, but no. I did get a card from Catherine, however, promising a meal out next week.

News reached us that Richard Dempsey has assassinated Nico Grecic. Whether any of my team told him he was in Rio de Janeiro or not I don't know, and don't wish to.

Preparations for the peace talks with Iran continue. A handy excuse for a canteen meal and spending the night on my office sofa. Scarlet is with Wes; I had no reason to go home.


	4. Extract 4

**17 July 2006**

Following our date, Ruth is still avoiding me and Malcolm is going out of his way to be obliging. I assume this means he was one of those who found the idea of Ruth and me having a relationship so amusing. I am disappointed; I thought more of him.

Adam told me today that Ros Meyers will be joining us from Six, despite her making an official complaint against us regarding our treatment of her father. His twenty year sentence for treason was rather longer than anticipated, and Ros blames me for the fact he will likely die in prison.


	5. Extract 5

**10 July 2005**

Today Ruth and I visited Danny's mother in our capacity as his colleagues from the Ministry of Agriculture. Ruth busied herself making tea while I sat making small talk, wishing I could tell Jasmin what a brave and honourable man her son had been. Instead all I could give her was lies and platitudes. As we left, Ruth was on the verge of tears. When I tried to comfort her, she lashed out, accusing me of being unfeeling. She reminded me I'd said there would be a time to grieve, only it seemed I was exempt. If only she knew.


	6. Extract 6

**29 April 2011**

Ruth invited me out for birthday drinks. Well, me and Section D. She was wearing a fitted black dress, rather shorter than her usual flowing skirts, and she had her hair up, and a touch of make up. Beth's been 'sorting her out', she said. She looked so beautiful. Yet all I could say when she greeted me was 'I hope you've got the drinks in.' No wonder she spent much of the evening sitting just that bit too close to Dimitri.

I sneaked out before last orders, leaving her present on the table. I doubt if I was missed.


	7. Extract 7

**Doh! I just realised why 29 April next year rang a bell. Ah well, at least Ruth will get the day off. ;)**

**Thank you for all the lovely reviews. Sorry it is all so random. Normal service will be resumed when I come up with an ending to ****_Moving on _****that I'm happy with...**

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**9 September 2005**

Zaf has been running a poker school in Thames House after hours. I told him to end it; he said it was just a bit of fun that helped them all to unwind. And he's pocketed quite a tidy sum, it appears.

Adam and I are boring everyone witless talking about the Ashes. I've got tickets for the Oval for Sunday and Monday; he's coming on Sunday but can't make Monday. Strictly speaking, I can't either. However, I invited Ruth, promising her an exciting spectacle that she could tell her grandchildren about. She declined. Apparently even filing is more interesting.


	8. Extract 8

**The word count on this site is miles out...**

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**31 October 2010**

At long last the inquiry begins tomorrow. Towers assured me he'll do what he can, but according to Alec Internal Affairs have been all over Section D for weeks, digging up god knows what from god knows when. The team are doing their best to carry out low level sabotage but I instructed them not to risk their careers.

Ruth appears not to be heeding this. Alec says they know she's my Achilles heel and are making her life hell, yet she treats them with contempt. If they're like this now, what will they be like when she gives evidence?


	9. Extract 9

**30 April 2011**

Was wakened by Scarlet barking and found Ruth on the doorstep. She'd been worried because I left without saying goodbye and had seemed out of sorts all evening. Did I tell her it was embarrassment at my gaucheness, jealousy at the thought that there might be something going on with Dimitri? Did I admit that seeing them all again just made me realise how much I missed life on the Grid? Did I hell. I was just tired, I said. Not used to late nights anymore. She was wearing the necklace. She loves it. At least I got something right.


	10. Extract 10

**24 December 2010**

Beth tipped me off that Ruth was singing midnight mass with her choir tonight. It's not something I would normally go to, but I hardly see her since I left the Service. I arrived at the last minute so she wouldn't see me and be put off, but halfway through the first carol she spotted me and smiled and my battered old heart somersaulted once more. It was a beautiful service. To my surprise she caught up with me afterwards and let me walk her home. On her doorstep, as the snow began to fall, we shared a Christmas kiss.


	11. Chapter 11

Prompted by Camillo's preface to the final chapter of the fabulous Donnerstag, I tentatively take a dip back into the fanfic waters.**  
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**30 April 2012**

Today was my first day back at work. Yesterday in Exeter, as I stood at her grave, as I walked the streets she ran through as a child, I got no real sense of her, that she'd ever been there. Yet on the Grid her presence was everywhere. Reports, file notes, the mug she left behind. I can still hear her voice, feel her touch on my arm. The first time the door slid open, I thought it was her. I'm told it gets easier. Right now I think the pain is all that's keeping me going.


	12. Chapter 12

And now an alternative version, which needless to say I much prefer! Hope you enjoy.

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**29 April 2012**

Today was Ruth's birthday, and it was the first birthday I've celebrated properly in more years than I care to remember. We spent the morning in bed and the afternoon on the beach with a picnic and the Sunday papers. The evening we whiled away over a banquet in her favourite Thai restaurant. We talked of something and nothing. We talked of the Grand Tour. At long last, we dare to plan. I suppose to many that must seem a fairly run of the mill Sunday; to me, to us, after everything, it meant the world.


End file.
